Watch this video with your child. It has good tips on solutions to a mental bullying situation. Like anything in life, we start as a beginner with a new task. In my school assemblies, we practice what we are taught immediately as a walk around to all the children and bully them in front of their teachers. Luckily they use the Power Look and say “and?” repeatedly to stop the mental bullying. Practice this with your children so when the time comes and they are faced with a mental bully, they are proficient in what to do. The same goes with a physical bully. Enroll your child in a martial arts program for their own good. Martial arts provides the vehicle for learning self-respect, self-esteem and confidence. Don’t assume they are taught in school, because we all know what happens when you assume…I hope you enjoy the video. Be well.
Having anger towards someone else is like drinking poison waiting for that person to die. With all the negative energy surrounding this election, pre and post, I wonder how many people realize that the anger they are putting out towards others and society is only taking a physical toll on themselves. Our bodies are intelligent creations. The body absorbs energy and gives it out on a huge level and whenever we read or watch something that makes us feel negatively about it, it chemically shifts our body chemistry. Look up Dr. Masaru Emoto’s work on how emotions and thoughts change water. You’ll learn that since our bodies are two-thirds water, our emotions alter our own bodies immensely.
You have the ultimate choice on how upset you want to be. No one can make you upset and that’s a fact. If that statement triggered or bothered you, think about this example. If someone made fun of you in a language that you understood, you would react in a certain way. However if they made fun of you in a language that you didn’t understand, your reaction would be different. They are still making fun of you and the intention and body language is still there. You as the human with the ears hear the words coming out of the other human’s mouth, interpret them, give the meaning, then choose how to respond to them all in a matter of milliseconds. You as the human are the only person that gets to determine how you respond. Unless of course you do what the average human does and tries to get rid of responsibility as fast as possible. How much easier is it to say that someone else made fun of you and made you upset as opposed to actually realizing that you are the only source of your own upset because of how you respond to situations. Especially how you create expectations in your own mind on how people and things should be and then when the expectations do not fulfill themselves, you as a human would dare not choose to be responsible because of your own created expectation in your mind. You would rather choose to blame everything else but oneself.
The problem is that you don’t realize the cost is your power, commitment to yourself, self-expression, and absolute freedom from your own mind. You could be breathing deeply, enjoying a tasty beverage, playing with a dog or just being free from upset. Imagine the free time and energy you would have if you had nothing to complain about. True, wonderful, delicious freedom. Try it. Think about something that “shouldn’t be that way”. Then try accepting it as it was your choice. Choose the presidential nominee that you didn’t want. Then choose the one you wanted. Then choose differently. You can change your choices every second. You have this power. Things don’t have to be a certain way.
I just watched the video below about paying it forward at a supermarket. It was so beautiful. How do you feel when someone pays for your gas, tool, your food in front of you? How would that make you feel? Do you want to learn how to stop bullying yourself? Maybe instead of continuing to make yourself upset by living in your mind and thinking that you’re unfulfilled expectations are ruining your joy, pay for someone’s food. Even if it’s a gallon of milk. Feel that sensation. Enjoy that. Look at the smile on the person’s face. Feel that love from your heart to theirs. The only way to really change is to change ourselves. I hope you enjoy the video below. Pay It Forward. We’re the only ones that get to choose our future. I dare you to take action.
Picture by Andrew Kuznetsov
PARENTS, the next few weeks will determine if your child becomes a victim to a bully. Public schools will tell your children if they defend themselves against a bully then they are suspended. I invite you to talk to your child and give them permission to physically defend themselves against a physical bully. And on the day that they stand up for themselves and get suspended from school, I invite you to contact me and I will send you a trophy like this with the engraving “Great job standing up for yourself!” so that your child remembers every day that they will never be a victim of a bully again. I invite you also to remember the exact day they stood up for themselves or their friends and celebrate every year to remind them of the feeling of being a powerful human being.
Links to previous blogposts on how to stop bullying:
.Need help with bullying?
What happened to our society? Why are people always offended? What happened to our “right to free speech”? What shifted that now has parents and teachers coddling children and having them believe that the world is a loving and caring place that will never upset them or hurt their feelings? What happened to schools teaching children the realities of life and how to function in a social environment successfully? Parents don’t want their children to be upset because then they would have to talk to their children and deal with the upset. When did this all start? My guess is February 2nd, 2004.
That is the day after the famous wardrobe malfunction brought to you by Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake. The entire country realized the next day that they can be offended as a whole. People will listen to them complain and whine. “Our children were watching!” was one of the many complaints heard the next day on the news and at the office. Parents complained about having to explain what happened to their children. “It shouldn’t have happened! Why do I now have to explain this to my children? Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!” Fast forward 20 years later and we live in the delusional society where people think that other people are responsible for their own emotions. Someone says something that offends you, then you and you alone are the only person responsible for making yourself feel better. Or be weak and hope that they will change. Have you ever had a bad habit that people in your life wanted you to stop? The more they wanted you to stop, the more you wanted to do it. So why on earth would we expect others to change their behaviors and the way they think and speak for us?
When Donald Sterling made racist remarks, everyone was offended and thought that he should change the way he thinks because our society is moving away from racism. They aren’t going to change. We need to wait for them to die and educate our youth. Slowly we can change society and empower it. Because right now we are disempowering it. Everyone is so afraid of offending everyone else that they have become cowards themselves and unfortunately some of these cowards are responsible for our children when they are at school. Then you have the cowards at home they choose to blame teachers when they are honest with them about how to help their children when they truly need help. Parents used to listen to teachers because they are trained educators and believe what the teachers said over the lies of their children. Now they believe the stories that come out of their children’s mouths and accuse the teacher of “calling my child a liar” because they create a false truth that they are bad parents if their children lie. All children lie. The smarter ones lie more often. Be careful because you might be “shaming liars”.
Shaming this and shaming that. “He made me feel this way. She made me feel that way.” I hope that someday people wake up and realize that none of that happened in reality. What do I mean by that and how dare I say that? We are the only ones responsible for how we respond and react. When you allow something to offend you, you become a victim of your own mind and instead of being responsible and working on yourself, you would rather blame anyone and anything but yourself. It’s called being a human being in this society. Think about the next statement carefully. If I cursed you out and said the most obnoxious, rude, vile disgusting words right to your face, but I did it in another language, would you be offended? Of course not. That is because your brain did not interpret the words and give them meaning so that then you can choose to become upset at the meaning that that you gave the words. When I present my school assemblies on how to stop bullying, the children understand that no one can bully them without their consent.
If you raise your children or teach your students in a way that teaches them the opposite of how society is, then you are doing an amazing disservice to them. If you don’t let your children be upset occasionally then how will they learn how to be upset as adults? If you don’t teach your children that there is disappointment in life, then what happens to them when they are disappointed as adults? If you don’t teach your children to defend themselves both verbally and physically against a bully, then what happens when they are verbally or physically bullied as adults?
I invite you to choose the well-being of the children in your life instead of your own selfishness and I promise you your children will live better, stronger, and more effective lives. I invite you to wake up and see what kind of child you are truly creating.
Photo by Mike Mozart
I invite all parents and teachers to play this on their car ride to work or back so that you can hear the truth about how to stop bullying at your school and how to protect your children by asking them the right questions. Please share with anyone you think should hear what is really going on. Enjoy.
Interview on Parent Factors with Dr. John
How do you feel when you are going to work and when you get there, the coffee machine isn’t working. How about when it’s getting close to lunchtime and something comes up and delays your lunch for an hour. Do you go hungry or grab something not so healthy from the snack machine?
You know that what you put in your mouth and how you respond to the world that day are all intertwined in our daily lives. The same goes for your children. If your children are eating chemicals and not eating natural foods, that affects their interaction with others. If a child is coming down from a soda sugar high, their behaviors are affected chemically. If your child skips a meal, their brain function and ability to learn is affected. One way how to stop bullying is to ensure our children are healthy and fed. You already know this. The question is what can we do. Most of you aren’t nutritionists. The link below is to the nutrition section of our website. This is jam packed full of information like healthier alternatives to the typical foods that children eat. In my school assemblies on health and fitness, I give healthier alternatives to sweet desserts like microwaving apples or bananas and topping with cinnamon. AMAZING!
There is also information about what chemicals and additives are in the food you and your children eat so you have an educated decision to make for the next round of shopping. You have a hard choice to make for the future. Do I go the easy way out and feed my kids what I know isn’t good for them or do I work a little harder to make slow and slight changes in their food consumption and in turn stop filling the pockets of corporations that prey on uneducated parents and their trusting children. Hard statement to take in and the truth. I invite you to take the actions that you think are best for you and your family.
Healthier meal alternatives and information on additives and vitamins.
Question: My child has a lot of energy and one of my friends mentioned that he should try meditation. How would meditation help him?
Answer – I think meditation is wonderful for a child age three all the way up to an adult age 103 and is one of the best behavior management strategies that I know. Meditation is a way to focus the mind and learn how to control the body and sometimes even guide the body into taking actions with the mind’s help. Meditation would show your child how to use proper breathing techniques to create wonderful scenes from their own imaginations. It would also show them how great a relaxed mental state feels. The first meditation that I do with my students is called belly breathing.
I invite you to try with them. Have your child lay down on their back. Place a light beanbag, pillow or something weighing less than a pound on their belly. Tell him to imagine that the object is a boat and their stomach is the ocean. As they breathe in and breathe out, tell them to try to breathe through their noses like they are smelling flowers then breathe out like they are blowing out a birthday candle. Tell them that a big wave is coming and ask them to raise the ship as high as they can by making their stomachs bigger. Then bring the waves down and have the boat drop as they pull their stomachs in. This is a meditation that they can do by themselves. Tell them that whenever they are feeling sad or mad, find a place and take 5 deep breaths. Now if you set the example and show them that you do it, I promise both your lives will be more tranquil and peaceful.
Another meditation that may require more guidance from you. As they lay on their backs, they are to picture someone drawing the number ten in the sand. As the waves come in, their breath goes in. As the water goes back down over the sand, the waves wash over the number. Have them practice this from 10 to 1. Then tell them to envision something that they want to try or something that they want to be successful at. Ask them to share it with you. As they’re doing that, have them notice the good feelings that they have in their body and say one word to describe the emotions or feelings that they feel.
Coach them, maybe give them some example as to some of the words for example: happy, excited, smiling or calming. Coach them on the breathing, even do this with them and as they breathe in and as they breathe out, have them think about those good feelings and being successful. Then have them count back to five as they open their eyes. Whenever they think of that one project or goal or dream that they’re trying to fulfill and they say those same words, emotions will come up and will slowly have the body start to follow the mind, creating those goals, wishes or dreams in reality. Enjoy your meditations and click on the link below to see what happens when an entire school meditates.
Video on how meditation changed a school.
Hello all! I am almost done with my second book in the, “Building the 21st Century Child,” series called, “Breaking the Bullying Circle.” This book will open up the eyes of parents and educators on how to stop bullying, why bullying is only getting worse and what is really happening at home, in school and society as a whole. Be warned! This book may push buttons, offend people, and, I hope, may even have people take action to actually prevent and eliminate bullying in schools and at home. I have attached the introduction and the first 2 chapters. Enjoy!
Breaking the Bullying Circle Intro and Chap 1 and 2
Last week we addressed one of three reasons why the 85% of students known as bystanders don’t take action towards helping to stop bullying. If you missed the first part about them having the fear of becoming a new victim for a bully, I invite you to take a look at How to Stop Bullying: Bystanders Afraid to Become a New Victim of a Bully. This week we look at a concern that many adults would have in addition to their children.
Let’s address this situation so that your child can have the opportunity to powerfully stand up for their friend or classmate if the situation arises. Being a tattletale or a snitch as a child or adult is frowned upon in any social environment, whether at school, home, or in the workplace, and our human bodies are designed for self preservation first. There is a distinction that we need to clarify which solves this problem quickly and effectively. Bystanders must learn the distinction of, “In vs. Out”.” If you are walking down the street with your family and you see two bank robbers jump out of their car and run into the bank, what do you do? I hope you said you would call the police or dial 9-1-1. Because of you, the police show up and the bank robbers get arrested and go to jail. My question to you is…are you tattling on the robbers? In my Breaking the Bullying Circle School Assembly Program I ask kids this exact question. The responses are typically “No. It’s not tattling because the robbers are doing something bad.” Next question for you…Is it more important to get the bank robbers in trouble or is it more important to get the people in the bank out of trouble? When given a choice most children responded “get the people in the bank out of trouble.” What did you say?
When you are trying to get someone in trouble, like telling on someone, then you are tattling and that isn’t showing respect. And if your child’s friend, or someone they know in school, is getting bullied and they try to get them OUT of trouble, then they are being a hero. Just like you would be a hero if you called the police to help stop the bank robbers. Now remember that you and the police are a team when you work together to stop the bank robbers. If you didn’t call them, they never would have come. Give your child a few examples and having them decide whether they are tattling or being a hero. Teamwork and being a hero go together like peanut butter and jelly.
Photo by Denise Krebs